Ninja goes rock critic in an explosion of misplaced crativity and maelevolence.

( Ninja Reviews: NIN - The Slip )
There has to be something said about the fateful decade known as the Eighties, and against all the recent 'retro' trends, I stand whole heartedly in decrying that there was very little of value that actually came out of the ten year which spanned between 1980 and 1990.
There are however, a few cultural gems that stand out for me from that cesspool of a decade, like the early electro-funk of Parliament, Zapp & Roger, and the Ohio Players, whose trademark sound would be abjectly raped and pillaged by every west-coast rapper due to the demented brain od Dr. Dre.

The other was the odd sounding industrial music which started out in the eighties with the advent of various synthisisers which sounded completely different from the actual instruments from which they were based on. All the depressed of Generation X instantly looked to pioneers of the genre such as Throbbing Gristle and Bauhaus and thought 'Hey this appeals to my pain, and I really need to share this pain with everyone else!' and within a blink of an eye, neo-narcissm was born with the mass explosion of the goth subculture. I would like to point out that the goth kids of old were actually damn awesome people who just thought and dressed a little difference before the culture went downhill with goth kids becoming more and more whiny and lazy, complaining about how life is pain and everyone should die. Nihilism is not a healthy philosophy if taken too seriously.

During the massive explosion of the really god-awful metal of the eighties, the backlash began to build, just as the backlash built ten years earlier for disco, and a lot of 'underground' subcultures began to chip away at the bloated, misogynistic cadaver that was metal in the eighties, and in 1989, a depressed 20-something musician called Trent Reznor released his first record under the now famous psudonym Nine Inch Nails, which was a stark contrast to the overblown rock music of the time, combining the harsh sounds of early industrial, distortion ripped straight from the hair metallers and the weird electro beats from that crazy synthpop garbage.

Fast forward twenty years, and much like the goth subculture around it, Trent Reznor has completely and utterly lost all ability to censor himself. In the past two years, we've seen  three albums from the agnst-filled nerf, and all three have been a resounding 'meh'.
After the release of [with_teeth], Reznor realised that the internet could be used for distrobution, and just threw together a collection of songs that he must have written whilst sitting on the john, filling in his tax return or washing the gimp. (I'm quite convinced this man has a gimp. No home is complete without a gimp)

Right from the start, the latest of Nine Inch Nails new record starts out just like Year Zero, with a drawn out intro sequence comprised of some morose strings which sound like Trent just plugged his 40 dollar casio keyboard  into the computer and started to just play the most basic chords. Mixed in is a lot of stock industrial sounds; the slow filter release, quiet vocals, before jumping suddenly into the proper opening track, 1,000,000, which is an assault on whatever sense you had before listening to this record, grabbing your head and proceeding to force as much sound as possible into your heard until it comes running out your nose in a suspicious trail, just like the motel ceiling or a japanese manga comic.

Now to experience the entire album, copypasta that paragraph for 90% of the songs. This may sound strange coming from the man who can listen to Wumpscut and Lamb of God without flinching, but this album is just too harsh. The only thing I can think of to compare it to is being aurally raped by a tranny wearing a sandpaper condom. Trent Reznor hit the mark with the dual album 'The Fragile', which was a masterpiece of brooding agnst, squelching synths and guitars, as well as some brilliant softer pieces where you could almost see the tears in the goth kid's eyes as it's being played.
The Slip is missing every single one of those awesome ingredients, in lieu of the brooding agnst is flat out rage, which at times can produce something masterful, but in this case is like watching a a pole vaulter run in a hurdles race. The brilliant, soft, moving pieces are replaced by the second half of the album, one of the most boring pieces of music I've heard in a long time. It's not really music, but more a soundscape. Although in retrospect 'soundscape' is not the best way to put it. 'Playing with filters over an eight minute track needs to be done correctly.
That goes for all minimalism, it needs to be done right.

Maybe I'm being to harsh. The fact that Reznor's been able to write three albums in two years is impressive, but this album just lacks the catchy riffs of [with_teeth], or the underlying thread of Year Zero concept, and let's just get this out the way: it would take a masterpiece from Trent to top The Fragile.

Now if you'll exscuse me I need something to wash that god-awful taste out of my mouth.

--Ninja</div>

I don't understand everyone's obsession with my romantic life.

I'm feeling creative.

Thanks to a rather unexpected phone call from the man of meat at 10 in the morning yesterday I managed to get into the V Festival.
4 and a half hours of volunteer work == free tickets == Queens live.

I was honestly blown away by the Queens of the Stone Age set. even with ear plugs, I'm deaf, but that was probably due to seeing The Night Terrors the night beforehand at Pony.

But QotSA == Wicked.

I am absolutely fucked.
Mosh pits are wicked, but god damn it takes a while to get the stench from your hair.

*shudder* eeew.

It's been a while since I made some form of post on this thing.

For those who haven't spoken to me in the past month, news is afoot for you people.
I actually managed to find a job that isn't either mind numbing and ache inducing. Well, that's not entirely true, the first week was hell. To put it simply, I didn't get along with the girl training me. But after those niggles I seem to have settled into my new position as a customs clearance clerk. I book deliveries. I chase documents. I yell at airlines for making mistakes. I take abuse from major corporations for the mistakes of the airlines. I pass that back to the airlines.

After two weeks, the girls at our main transport company already are making jokes about the frequency of my calls, especially when they have an internet booking service. Personally, I just think they can't get enough of ninja.

What? Ninjas are damn fine, and you know you can't argue with me on that.

-:-

I had forgotten how wickedly awesome pony is. I can go up to anyone and whammy! instant conversation. Gene Laslow comes up to the plate... WHAMMY!

ANYWAY.

It seems I've already made the first mistake with mah money. Spending over half a paycheck on a new guitar was not the most fiscally responsible thing to do, and only through commit such a heinous act of financial irresponsibility, could I learn and move on.

It is a beautiful guitar though.

-:-

Just been reading some new webcomics lately, including this little gem from the guys who wrote MacHall.

I have become obsessed with Ween lately. People seem to be surprised by this, but I can't figure out why.

With Regards, From America.

This makes me angry, yet as i'm not on my own machine, i'll post more later

Someone told me today that they thought that no one will ever match Bob Dylan's songwriting abilities.

For a long time I agreed, in the same way that I thought that there were no more guitar legends. Now, a little later I realise my mistake in making such claims, and how limited my worldview was on music. (I also used to be a hardcore elitist music snob. That's still the case, just not to the same degree, and unlike most music snobs, I enjoy music, I actually enjoy it more than performing fellatio for the Velvet Underground.*)
But to think that there was no awesome writers since Bob Dylan is a big stretch, and there are a lot of modern performers that can match and surpass ol' Bob.

Do I cite examples? (If I could cite examples I wouldn't need to *OOF*)







So if anyone says that there hasn't been anyone since Bob Dylan, I'm gonna roundhouse kick you back to the 60s. It'll be win freakin' win.

Okay, here to clarify some rumours.

I'm not dead, I haven't sustained any life threatening injuries, or destroyed myself too much.
That las one was a small lie, I have a massive hangover at this point, after too much French cuisine, wine and beers. Wine has started to grow on me, but it has to be with the proper foods.

Anyways:

We'll start on the Monday with the awesome of BDO, including this fun piece during Rage's set:




God damn that was funny to watch. Unfortunately I was about 50 meters further back which meant I couldn't really see the stage.
But to be honest, what made Rage awesome was the fact that the crowd went nuts where I was, but not as much as I expected. word from people inside the D said the crowd would go nuts for choruses, but be dead still for everything else. Which kind of sucks, but I guess that's Melbourne. Tom Morrello needs to get back into guitar playing shape. he wasn't on the ball for that gig.

But there were other events which are far more worthy of mention.

I was very surprised with Regurgitator's  set. Very impressed, especially after their mediocre albums after ...art and the one they wrote in the bubble, but on stage, they put on a damn good show, and they haven't neglected their older material, I never thought I would hear Kong Foo Sing played live, and it seems I have unfairly written off the 'gurge prematurely, so if they play a show near you, go see them 'cos they are made of awesome.

Now of course, I my ears will get a raping for saying this next bit, but I honestly don't give a fuck.


I was up front and center for Hilltop Hoods. (just after watching 'gurge) and I have to say, (apart from the politically correct and thoughtful welcoming ceremony, which dragged on way too long) was a fucking awesome set. including the massive amount of people passing out from dehydration requiring me to help them over the barrier. I understand that smaller people wanna get in the thick of it, but after helping security cart 4 chicks who were obviously just on 15 out of the mosh, it kinda made me wonder if the rule for the D should be not under 15's, but under 16 or 17, but that would be impossible to enforce. But it was still awesome, especially the fact i was up front, in an awesome mosh.

To wrap up BDO: crispy.

Of course I went to Dream Theater on the Tuesday afterwards, which was a mind blowing experience. I actually mean mind blowing. After about 5 hours sleep after BDO, shit all water, eating an early tea (at 4pm), whilst waiting in line for an hour and a half to get into Festival hall, and about 20 minutes in, in the middle of the crow, the world gets smaller and i pass out. now of course, I'm okay now, I didn't miss much of the gig, but my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Boombox: Tool - Vicarious

Alrighty:

Playing gig at Dirty Secrets this thursday @ 8:00. you all know where it is.

Sorry about the last minute info. I just found out and I'm scrambling to get some material together.